manok's lover boy is funny. hoy manok! come home na so that we can have conferences like those again.

anyway.. i woke up this morning with one of the best ateneo reject speeches i've ever thought of. hopefully, i will never write that speech here. but still, they haven't called. today is saturday. are they open? or do i find out on that dreaded day that *dun dun dun* i am meant to be an archer? shall i burn them down? i was talking to my friend and he said that they usually call you to tell you that you got in. at that point, him being a reject as well, i said, "sunugin na natin ang ateneo!" where he replied with "we've got to have a good plan".

sure, i may laugh about it now. but once i get that result, i won't have any energy to joke around. accepted or not, i'll be too spaced out. shocked perhaps?

so i thank you. thank you for the people who prayed and have continued to prayed. thank you for those who'd say "waitlisted ka? pasok ka na!" surely being overconfident didn't help. i wanted to get there alone. and i tried. i guess connections just really do help.thank you for those who gave me a pat on the back, the hugs, and the words of comfort.

every day and every night this feeling i fight, try as i might but i won't win. i surrender, i die. you are winning.. every morning when the sun will shine on me, i flash a smile but deep inside, i feel so sad and lonely. i need you here and now.. i miss you. it's crazy to pretend that i don't think of you. the more this feeling just seems to grow and grow. i miss you. oh how much longer can i hold on to? maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too..

continuing my sleep, i woke up minutes after with a nice err, "i can't believe it's still you speech". so here goes..

you were there for me when i wanted to fix things with someone. you were there for me when i wanted to kick that same someone's ass. you were there for me every time i needed a shoulder to cry on., every time i needed to laugh, every time i just plainly needed to share a story. how is it that we simply faded away?

hours and hours of phone conversations at night talking about anything. and i couldn't put down the phone cause you never knew how to say bye. not even good bye. and i found it rude to just hang up on you. memories never forgotten.
but what happened? was it entirely my fault?

it's funny how things change so quickly in a year. you went on with a new set of friends and i went on with a new bunch as well. we hardly talked. the last decent conversation i had with you without this awkward feeling was on your birthday. that was last july for crying out loud.

i miss you. that's all i want to say actually.

i wonder if you still read my blog. though, i know you won't be able to read this since it's on friends only. i wonder if your friends still read this. and would they tell you?

it's funny how i'm remembering all this today. it's been about a year since i first saw you smoking. a year since that day you sat at my back. a year since our first phone ocnversation. a year since that whole fiasco. a year since i had a gushy feeling in me. i actually really did fall. it's only now that i realize that. that i really did fall.

i miss you. terribly.